Jared Diehl is from La Verne, California and has been dealing with mental illness his whole life but has spent the last 15 years managing bipolar depression and anxiety. He also has been a suicide survivor. Out of the suffering has come a message. A message of hope for those that feel like they are alone. Jared works with the National Alliance of Mental Illness as a speaker. He helps reduce stigma by sharing his own story and how he copes with mental illness. He also has a podcast on mental health called Louder Now. For fun, he likes movies, hockey, and writing poetry.
Additional Links
https://linktr.ee/loudernowmhjareddiehl
Podcast website:
https://www.podpage.com/jared-diehl-the-louder-now-podcast/
Jared Diehl is from La Verne, California and has been dealing with mental illness his whole life but has spent the last 15 years managing bipolar depression and anxiety. He also has been a suicide survivor. Out of the suffering has come a message. A message of hope for those that feel like they are alone. Jared works with the National Alliance of Mental Illness as a speaker. He helps reduce stigma by sharing his own story and how he copes with mental illness. He also has a podcast on mental health called Louder Now. For fun, he likes movies, hockey, and writing poetry.
Additional Links
https://linktr.ee/loudernowmhjareddiehl
Podcast website:
https://www.podpage.com/jared-diehl-the-louder-now-podcast/
Welcome back to the unbreakable boundaries podcast with your host, myself, Jennifer Maneely. And in today's episode, I have a gentleman here with me named Jared deal. He is from California. So that's always fun to have someone all the way across the country still talking about all of the same things. And it's like we have these commonalities, no matter where we live, or where we're from, and all that. And it's just a great thing. He has been dealing with mental illness his whole life, he has spent the last 15 years managing bipolar depression and anxiety. He is a suicide survivor, which we are definitely going to be getting into this episode about what that looked like for him and how he pulled himself out of some of those really dark thoughts that we can often have. He is He works with the National Alliance of Mental illness as a speaker, so he's very familiar with talking, he wants to help reduce the stigma by sharing his own story, which is why I'm so fortunate to get to speak with him today. He actually has his own podcast if you want to check this out. It's called louder now. And I'm gonna let him talk to you more about that in a little bit. But right now, I'm just so excited to welcome Jared deal to my podcast. Thank you so much, Jared, for coming on.
Jared:Hi, Jen. Jennifer, Jen,
Jen:Jen, Jennifer, it can go either way. Sometimes I edit
Jared:my name and half. So right,
Jen:Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, call me. No,
Jared:no, thank you so much. It's obviously do you have a podcast, I'm used to talking, I do get to speak with Nami. But it's always just an honor to be able to meet new people. And, and just the connections that you get to make, and I'm obviously not the only person with a mental health problem, right. Which is a good thing, because it's a huge conversation that needs to be had. And obviously, what you're doing to more specifically with addiction also is super important. So I'm just glad to be here and be able to just, you know, share my story and offer, you know, just my insights to whoever's struggling, so yeah,
Jen:and I'm, I'm so grateful. So this is gonna be an interesting podcast, because it this Jarrett's another one that hasn't, he himself, didn't really ever deal with substance abuse issues, like so many other people that have had on this podcast, he did grow up, we were talking a little bit before he did kind of grow up a little bit in that environment, and will get well, we will get into that. So he's very familiar with the impacts that substance abuse can have on the family, and his experiences with, you know, having an alcoholic father and all that. And it's but what I love about this is because so many of us out there have underlying mental health issues that we don't take care of, which actually causes more of the substance abuse, and you whereas you don't have the substance abuse, you still had a lot of challenges with the mental health, and pulling yourself out of that and learning coping skills that are so valuable to people like us, because mental health and addiction kind of goes hand in hand. And, and that's the thing, that it's so interesting. Some of the conversations that I have with people are like, well, I don't think that he really has addiction, I think that he has like mental health issues. And, you know, sometimes I have to like facepalm a little bit in a in a very loving and supportive way of going in that's kind of what addiction is. But today we get to talk a lot about just mental health and some of your own journey of how what were like some of the coping skills, you know, how did you get to to where you're at now and living in in a healthy way to the point where you have your own podcast to the point where you know you're out there speaking about it and and we're so many people don't so that's what I'm really looking forward to in this particular podcast. So, that being said, let's get going on Your journey so tell me kind of a little bit about your growing up experience.
Jared:Yeah, man Well, childhood was in a lot of ways really good. And, and in a lot of ways not so good. i My parents were both very religious. So church was always kind of a huge part of our childhood. My sister and I both were very, like, successful in front of people and like, always had friends, I was very popular, I was very, like, creative, still have like that love to write love. I was really into acting, that's like, all I wanted to do when I was younger was be like a movie star. And then I also was very into sports, I grew up playing ice hockey, which was, like, some of the funnest years ever getting to do that. So in a lot of ways childhood was was, I was very blessed and fortunate to have had the experiences that I had. But my dad and my mom kind of did not have really the best marriage, my dad was very, like verbally abusive. Definitely coped with alcohol drank a lot. And I think that from a very young age, I just experienced a lot of BS, like the victim of his, you know, his issues, right? It's kind of, I mean, that's kind of how a lot of times anger kind of works, it's like you're taking it on your kids and your wife, and you're kind of creating this like, environment of fear at like, so that that's there was a lot of pain and a lot of just sensitivity to that. And I think I was just kind of a sensitive kid anyway, like, to emotions and to other people, and naturally, just kind of empathetic and compassionate and sensitive. So, you know, getting yelled at, for spilling cereal, because my dad was just, that's just how he was. definitely had an impact on on me and feeling very afraid all the time to, to just exist. And and I think I coped with that with people and with friends and with kind of having a social life and kind of not wanting to be home all the time. But then, you know, my mom was like the opposite. She was very supportive and loving and encouraging, and was like, the best person to be around. And so yeah, that's kind of that's what childhood kind of was like, right? And, yeah.
Jen:And so when would you say you kind of started dealing? With what, what? Because I'm sure at the beginning, it didn't look like mental health or any sort of mental illness. Like, that's not what you thought you were struggling with at the time. Obviously, now, it's like hindsight being 2020. You're like, oh, that's what that was. But we're sure. Yeah, like, when did you kind of start seeing and noticing something going on? What did that look like for you?
Jared:Yeah, that's a great question. Well, I mean, I did have a couple of moments, I think, kind of later on in high school, with depression and with like, intense, like sadness, and just this, this very, like, whoa, mood, you know, where I'm like, Man, I'm not really happy right now. And I definitely had had a lot of those moments. But yeah, it was really more kind of in college, is when I started. I had a really bad mental breakdown when I was, like, almost 22. And that's, that's what started the whole, like, bipolar conversation. But looking back when it was like, when I think when I had happened at obviously, you know, four years after high school and like being away from home. I'm like, Yeah, I think I had definitely some like, issues with depression and kind of what I think anxiety to think they both usually, like play off of each other depression and anxiety. Right. But yeah, I definitely had a lot of moments in high school where of like, I just would feel kind of stuck in my head and kind of just like, overwhelmed by just sadness and kind of these like, very, like low feelings,
Jen:right. And, and so let me ask because I think a lot of lot of times we we talk about like depression and anxiety unless you've really experienced that you don't really know what that really means or what's really going on with another person. And you mentioned in you can you can go here or not, I would love it if you would, if you would play with me, I think it'd be helpful is when you had your first because you call it a mental breakdown? What were like, what was the situation? And what was going on, like, leading up to it? So what were the things that you were telling yourself mentally? And what were some of the like, physical stuff that went along? With what what did that mental breakdown kind of look like for you?
Jared:Yeah, well, the context was, I had kind of mentioned earlier that like, religion was kind of a huge part of like, my childhood. And that stayed true through high school. So when I was 18, I was kind of like, I kind of was like, I want to either be famous, and like, moved to California, which eventually kind of my whole family ended up kind of in kind of Southern California, but at the time, we were in Colorado, so that was just, you know, more of a like, American Dream kind of thinking, you know, right, let's move to LA. So I'd gotten really into like, I always loved acting, then I got into like making videos, so I kind of been more like behind the scenes and stuff. So. So that was one idea was, you know, everyone's asking you when you're 18, like, what are you going to do with your life, right? So I was like, Oh, you'd be famous. And then the other pole was more towards going to this kind of like Bible college like spiritual environment. So I ended up choosing that one. And that ended up really being really great in a lot of ways, because of people and community and friendships and obviously connecting over God. You know, that's like most of what any kind of religion is, right? You, you share your same faith as other people, and you kind of go deep in those relationships. So but I was in this environment where I was really unique. It's like the weirdest thing to ever explain to anybody that's like, a 24/7 kind of prayer place. And so I chose to be the most extreme, and I chose to do like the graveyard shift, which that's like midnight to 6am. Extreme anyway, it was already kind of a weird thing to do. Like, without staying up all night, but then staying up all night was like, the weirdest thing you could do within that weird thing. It was like it was basically I was choosing the most extreme thing, I was like, I'm just gonna do the most extreme. And, you know, maybe that was part of the bipolar that I didn't, you know, right subtext of the bipolar was like, Oh, you're kind of choosing an extreme behavior without you even realizing it, you know, so. So I had done that for three years. And I think the stress of staying up all night, physiologically, obviously, was doing something to me, because I mean, even after doing that for a couple of months, you know, and they had kind of warned us that feeling depression, not mental illness, but just feeling like emotional imbalance was going to be a part of kind of that experience. So that was kind of the context for definitely, I think, set me up for just eventually, it's like, look, you're gonna hit the wall, your body's gonna break down, you know, something's gonna happen. And that's kind of exactly what happened was I had a really bad panic attack, and my mind started racing, and I couldn't sleep. And that's what led me to kind of get in kind of off of, I never went back to that.
Jen:That's probably why so in this time, when you had your, I guess, this first mental breakdown, what, where was your family at? Like, did your mom know what was going on? Did she like, does she know what you were doing to yourself and kind of say, What are you doing? What were those conversations like?
Jared:Yeah, well, I was very, I was definitely away from home. My parents had moved to California. My sister was out in LA gone to college, so they kind of followed her and wanted to like retire and nice. Southern Laguna, California, which is beautiful. Guy. It's a great place. I mean, it's expensive, but It's a great place to go if you're just looking to, you know, just chill. And Colorado was beautiful too. So it's not like we had much to complain about. But yeah, I was very in touch with both of my parents, and they kind of just, I guess had the parenting style of like, not being too controlling, you know, have like, a kick, if they were like, really, really controlling parents, they would have stopped me from doing the Nightwatch body thing because they, they were like, as could be bad for you. So they're very involved, but they were just kind of letting me decide of like, Hey, this is what I want to do. So I'm going to choose to stay up all night. So but they were very concerned, obviously, when the breakdown had happened, I was on the phone with my mom. She was like, the first person I called was my parents and saying, Hey, I haven't been sleeping. And she was like, Yeah, you need to like, Come home to California. Let us help you let us like, take care of you. So. So yeah, they were very involved. And, and kind of just letting me, you know, figure my life out as a as a young person,
Jen:you know? Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, you know, there's no right or wrong or in any of this, because it's like, even if they were that controlling, it probably wouldn't have served you. Sure. You know, like, it probably would have been like,
Jared:Yeah, might not be the right word. But yeah, over the overinvolved over
Jen:involve the helicopter parenting. Exactly. We
Jared:want you to do this. And then, right, yeah, both me and my sister was like, my sister was like, I want to go to LA. So they're like, Okay, go to LA, you know, right, kind of more like, what do you want to do with your life? And for me, I was like, I want to kind of go this religious route. And they let me do that,
Jen:well, then it seems like, well, one, it's like your adult out of the house. But two, it's it's, you learned a lot. Like you said, You didn't go back to that schedule, when you hit that wall. Of course, that's not to say that we haven't we've, you know, barely approached all of the lessons that you learned in the future. But at least in that lesson, you're like, ah, you know, I learned something about myself. This is this is not a healthy way of living. So moving on, you got through that mental breakdown, obviously. And from what I can understand, from what you were telling me before we hit the record button, there was some more really valuable life lessons that you learned later.
Jared:Yeah, of course. Well, yeah, essentially, I guess I don't jump too far ahead. But I mean, I kind of snapped out of that. I was on a little bit of medication. And, and then my mom kind of was, was more playing the doctor and was like, I don't think anybody was fully accepting, like, Oh, you're bipolar? I think it was more of a like, Oh, this is probably because you've been staying up all night. And you're just kind of having this, this this crazy, like experience kind of thing. So I kind of snapped out of it. In my mom kind of weaned me off of the meds because she was like, oh, it's kind of making you look fat. That was, which, I mean, it's funny when I say it like that, because it's like, wow, my mom's not a doctor. She shouldn't be like, weaning off and stuck, right. But I did have a lot of support from my parents at that time, they both were still together then and kind of my home in California was kind of like the hospital. But the anyway, to fast forward a little bit, I ended up going through it again, like a year later. You know, because I was off of medicine. And then the same exact thing happened. I couldn't sleep and my mind was racing. And so I think when it happened the second time around, people were a little bit more like, oh, you might
Jen:so there may be on this something here. Yeah.
Jared:And that can be a common thing for people. It's like it can take you like 10 or 12 times of going through something before you're like, right. I think I need to get help, you know,
Jen:right. And it's very similar in that substance abuse category, especially when it comes to the families because it's hard sometimes to accept certain diagnosis because there is and this is one of the things that you're working to help people break free of there is a lot of stigma attached to certain things, you know, and it's like it it. It's like, oh, did I do something wrong? Like we kind of make it this this interesting thing instead of going, Okay, what's going to serve you with is going to help, you know, I don't think that you need this medication because it's not, you know, whatever. And the families can, unintentionally, and intentionally both be supportive and not so supportive in that way, and it's hard to really, to navigate that kind of world. Right? Because it's like, your mom probably at the time really thought that she was doing right, in the best thing for you by taking you off these medications and being like, you know, what, I just don't think that this is this is the answer for you. You know, and and that's a very, very normal response to a lot when certain. I guess, I want to say labels, but it kind of is like when certain labels start getting thrown around. Yeah, no, no, no, not Not My Kid. That's not, you know, this is there's so many other reasons why he could be acting like this, or she could be acting like this, right? And she just didn't really just need to grow up or get her stuff together or sleep better, or, you know, change friends or any external thing. To be Yeah, well, normal, quote, unquote, exact normal.
Jared:A big subject in recovery is always acceptance. Yeah, it's like, facing here, reality accepting your life? Cause obviously, if you can't accept the situation, then, you know, then you can't really problem solve your way through it, right? If you're just in denial of like, oh, I have a mental illness, or oh, I have substance abuse problems, then, you know, that's kind of the rule of like, A, that's the first step, right? Because it meant that you're powerless, your life's on manageable. Like, that's kind of what some of that was, was, I'm just not accepting that. You know, you need medication, I'm just kind of denying that that's what you need.
Jen:Word is not going to go Yeah, it's it. Yeah. And I've had so many conversations, either with third parties, or direct parties, where they just couldn't get their head wrapped around their being like, a problem. They make 1001 excuses. You know, it sounds like you realize that it's not normal for people to smoke crack. And it's not just the like, let's just take a step back moment, you just got a little carried away here. Kind of, kind of atmosphere. And so it was just always really interesting. The, the family involvement, and it's like, it takes what it takes to and it takes learning. And this is why like, for me, I focus so much on looking at, at, like, I like to use the language of like mental health. Because it's like, we're looking at healthy coping strategies, we're looking at just being mentally healthy, whatever that means, you know. So there's a lot less stigma when you're looking at when people exercise because it makes them feel mentally healthy, and physically healthy. And you know, and all all those kinds of things and people can accept easier. When we're like, No, we're, we're making you mentally healthy. Instead of going, Oh, you have you know, like mental illness because it's so hard for other people to get their heads wrapped around that, you know? Because it's like, just like, even with your mom, you're like, oh, no, I can't accept that my son has a mental illness. Yeah, exactly. So a little bit of a, you know, a tangent, but I think it was, I think it's important to really think about what you said, we're simply here to support people in problem solving. Like, let's, let's look at all the possibilities, and just start solving some problems here. Let's not make this a thing. We're just here to better support and serve.
Jared:Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, when you're depressed, you're not thinking about solving problems, right. Like when you lose the ability to like, problem solve. I'm seeing you need other people to kind of help.
Jen:Yeah. Yeah. And, and it can, you know, and I see this too, with people is, oh, you just kind of snap out of your blues. You just gotta, you know, do X, Y and Z and you'll feel so much better. You know, it's not like it's just such an interesting thing. So carry on a little bit with your Journey of where things went from there. Because I know you had mentioned things about like you had gotten so bad off at one point that you were really, really suicidal. So tell us a little bit about that time period. Yeah. backrest Yeah,
Jared:yeah. So it happened again, 2008. So second time around, second time around was a little bit less freaked out, like, Oh, I think I might have a problem. So I got kind of put on a lot of medication, like way more than I had the first time around. And a little bit more acceptance from everybody. My parents at the time, kind of went through a separation. And so I was like, living with my mom and working and trying to kind of help her like, pay the bills. So I ended up functioning on like a lot of medication. And being able to kind of work full time job for like, almost four years, like three years, I guess, three and a half years, then I kind of started having problems again, where I felt like I was gonna have like another episode. But this time around, it was different because I was on a lot of meds. So that kind of felt like that didn't really make much sense. You know, it's like, how do you have another breakdown, but you're on medication to keep you stable so, so I kind of listened more to the friends in my life, the good meaning like Christian people who are like, around me all the time. And they're like, hey, maybe you need to like wean yourself off of some, not all but some of the meds that you're on. So it's taken like four different medications, which is a lot. So initially, I started feeling better. After a few months, I weaned myself off, then I did what you really should never do, which is you really should never do that on your own. So I kind of fired my psychiatrist. That idea you're fired, you know. And which i i had been flying home to California every few months to see him because I moved back to Kansas City and I had moved away again from California, so so for a little while, that relationship worked like that. But then I obviously started having problems. So I was like, Oh, this doctor is probably just corrupt and is like overmedicating me. So I ended up just firing him and then not finding another doctor. So I kind of just did it all on my own, which is a huge mistake, it's a bad idea. So I hit the wall again. And the third time around was definitely like the most severe I went to the hospital in Kansas City for like a week, I ended up being there like on my birthday, and like, initially started feeling a little bit better after being there. I'd never been to a psych unit before. So it definitely helped it was needed. But yeah, I I just went through this horrible like eight month time, where I think because of all of that the meds that I was on. And then because I had gotten off of all of it, I just was in like a really bad episode. So the thing that was stood out more the third time around was the suicidal thoughts. Like just having these thoughts of wanting to die and just thinking like, nothing's gonna get better. And I you know, if you've ever been in that headspace with suicide, which I know probably lots of people have, it's just a horrible, it's just an awful place to be in because your your reality is very, like, distorted. You know, you're, you're thinking about death. And you're thinking that's the only way to like escape the pain you're in. And it's just, it's obviously very deceiving. And, you know, not not a good thing. So, I had a couple of suicide attempts. And then I was just in and out of the hospital. And I was only living with my mom at this point. So it was just really a lot of me and her every day kind of suffering through all of this together. And I think she felt kind of powerless and helpless to like, yeah, gave me and then yeah, the climax of this time was but at about the eight month mark. Yeah, I tried to overdose with, like, all of the medicine that I had, I should have died. I ended up in a coma. And it was in a coma for three days and then had a lot of people praying for me. I ended up coming out of the coma and like no brain damage, no memory loss, which was huge.
Jen:It's a huge thing. Yeah, so
Jared:I survived madam was by far the most intense thing I've ever been through. And then yeah, things did start to get better after that I spent about five months in the hospital. And that was like eight years ago. So 20.
Jen:And you may not be able to remember this, but you said you woke up out of a coma with no real memory loss or brain issues or whatever. Having just tried to kill yourself. What? What was your initial reaction when you woke up?
Jared:Oh, wow. That's a great question. Yeah, no, no, I love it. That's a great question. I mean, I saw my family, I saw my mom, I saw my sister, my sister and her husband had just had their first child. At right at the he was only like, eight months. So I mean, no, I'm my oldest nephew. He was there, I just remember being like, super overwhelmed that like, the the support and the love and all of the people that were like, in that room with me and all of the nurses and doctors and just, I was I remembered everything, you know, so it was definitely a little bit of like, a surprise of like, you know, holy crap, I'm alive. Right. And that was a moment, you know, it was a moment to take in and, and then later, as I like, was, you know, they're taken all the tubes, that Elvis stuff out of me. So I could talk. A bunch of my friends from Kansas City actually flew to California to see me. Wow, my friend Zack was in New York at the time. And he flew all the way from New York to LA. And I ended up hanging out with them a little bit. And I was like, wow, I got so many people that are just supporting me and loving on me. And that was really huge.
Jen:Right? And, and I know, because a lot of times when people get into the darkness of the suicide, like the suicidal thoughts and stuff, it's very isolating. And it feel very, very alone. You feel like maybe everyone would be better off without you. And maybe, you know that, like, they'll be fine. And I think that we forget that we do have people that really, really care and love us. And so I'm sure that when you woke up and you saw that you're like, wait, this was not one I didn't think that I would be here to see this. Exactly. But to see it. It's like we realize at that moment, how many people that you know, care about us that just because we think certain things doesn't always make it true.
Jared:Exactly, yeah. Your reality for a long time. I mean, hopefully, it's not a long time. But me, for me, it was a daily thing for four months, you know,
Jen:which is a long time to not feel well.
Jared:Yeah, yeah. It's. And I mean, I've learned a lot from people over the years, being in hospitals and hearing people's stories. I mean, it's very humbling over time to just recognize that, like, millions of people go through this, you know, depression, and, and unfortunately, you know, not everybody acts on the thoughts, which is a good thing. But yeah, I mean, I think when you are like what you said it's extremely isolating, because like, no one else really knows and sees your thoughts and sees your internal struggle there only just there to just kind of try to just support you through through it and you're the one that's kind of having to deal with your own imagination. Yeah, it's very complicated and and hard to deal with for sure.
Jen:And it is and a lot of times families have a tendency and even our us like we will have a tendency to look at sometimes like our external factors and decide how someone must be feeling based on some of these external factors. So if someone is going to work if like and I you know, we talked a little bit about this before we hit the record button, but you know, kind of earlier on you were talking about how you were doing well like you did well in school you did okay in school, but you you showed up like you were basically everything external was okay. It was the internal and and I can't tell you how many times I get on the phone, you know, with with a family member? Well, they go to work every day. So they must not have, you know, challenges, right? Or they they do, oh, well, they got A's in school, they're really smart. So that that, you know, like, does that mean that they must not have internal struggles going on that with them? And sometimes, like we have a tendency to decide how someone was be feeling internally based on their external stuff.
Jared:Yeah. It's really the ultimate deception.
Jen:Yeah. And
Jared:totally looking like you're fine. You know?
Jen:It. Yeah. And so what were some of the when you were at your lowest point? What were some of the like, external things that you were keeping up? For people?
Jared:Oh, yeah. Um, well, I wasn't. Yeah, I mean, I think what made it hard was that I wasn't really around a lot of people. I didn't really have a lot of community and friends. You know, I had just spent almost 10 years in Kansas City with tons of friends, and community and people I was living with and life to then just go to being around my mom. And but yeah, I mean, we went to a bipolar support group at Rick Warren's church here in Southern California. And his son ended up dying by suicide a month before I had my overdose attempt. So I was like, Oh, this is why he has a mental health, which was pretty amazing for a church because obviously, church and mental illness don't really go together, you know, more and more people, I think, are, are taking support in interest in, you know, trying to, like have support from mental illness. So, yeah, I, I guess to answer the question, like, I wasn't, I still I was going to that, and I went to stuff at church. But yeah, it was a lot of just kind of me being around my mom, and seeing my sister a little bit, too. And, yeah, there wasn't really a lot of like, trying to prop myself but I did get a job, I went, and I got a job at McDonald's and, like, tried to work. And it was awful. Not because it was McDonald's, that's part of it. It's like, oh, you're working at McDonald's. It's no offense to anybody working at McDonald's, but just, you know, I was I needed to do something I had so much time on my hands, which, right? It's not what you want in here, like, you know, obviously depressed, it's like staying busy and, and productive obviously helps us, you know, keep our mind off of ourselves. You know,
Jen:this sounds like, community is a big factor, of course, in taking care of yourself. And that's, that's something that's a very common thing. Even like, when we're talking about like addiction and recovery, it's like community, it's so important to help uplift ourselves and really have people around us that can understand more of the internal things that go on with us. And be able to speak to the internal stuff because we can reduce a well at the external deception often. So from you get out of the coma. And you said things got better from there. So what did that look like for you?
Jared:Yeah, I think the biggest thing that needed to kind of come into place was getting the medication part, right? And just fixed. So I had a doctor who, you know, and when it comes to psychiatry, it's like, a lot of times doctors just mean they do the best that they can kind of with what they have and what they have is you and your symptoms. And so it's like, I was in a hospital where I was dealing with a doctor who had never met me before. All he had was was kind of my medical history. So he was just kind of basically like, oh, you seem like you're dealing with depression, but you've never really taken medicine that's been specific to like depression, you've always been kind of on more kind of like bipolar medication, which is different, you know, because bipolar and depression are different depressions a part of bipolar, but they can be treated kind of separately, right. So So, getting the medicine right from me, just I don't know, I just had, I was really fortunate. I mean, I just had this doctor in there and kind of figured it out. He was like, Oh, I think you need something for depression. That's why you keep feeling this way, you know, so he, he kind of did some stuff with the meds. And then after about 30 days of being in there, I just felt normal for the first time in probably like nine months. So it was it was really a miracle. And so that was the the first thing. And then it just was kind of a slow process. I think I had so much time I was in a hospital. So I just was in this very, like, controlled environment of like, definitely lots of people with stories. And so that was, I started to just, obviously, talk to everybody, and you see things and it was a lot of stories that could go in a book someday kind of thing. And probably just like how you've learned a lot when you talk to people, I mean, that's, that's, so that was a big part of it. And then just, it just really was a matter of time, like just, I ended up spending five months, you know, doing therapy, and they're doing a lot of reflection, and lots of journaling, and lots of reading, kind of just, you know, feeling normal for the first time and playing basketball every day. Like just, you know, in, like, starting to kind of just enjoy things again. Well, I remember watching hockey on TV, like watching the Stanley Cup playoffs and, and cheering and like laughing and like, Whoa, this is the first time I've like enjoyed something and, like a year. Yeah, I feeling so
Jen:and and that's, you know, you're bringing up so many important things. Because yeah, and what, what I like to remind people is when it comes to people's mental health, it's a lot like a spokes on a wheel, you know, like, you're gonna have different spokes, it's not just one thing. So it's not just the medication, although you need to have that, you know, it's not just, you know, the enjoying the hockey, the meditations, the journaling, the, you know, all of that, they all kind of go together to make a nice little to make your wheels turn the way that and rotate the way that they're supposed to. And when one of the spokes is off, then you get like, little bumps in the road, right and, and so this is what I remind people of is like, you can't just change just the one, you know, there's, there's multiple aspects and that's what you're bringing up is it wasn't just the medication that solved all your problems. There was you spent five months in a in a hospital after that, to try to figure out how to do life again. You know, how to enjoy life and maybe gain some good guess good coping skills with what, what you had going on? And I think a lot of times it's people underestimate the power of the healing the internal self as well. And, you know, it's like, yes, you need the medication, just so you can do that work. Sometimes if if medication is is the road that you're on, but it's not, it's not the quick fix. It's not the only thing that's gonna support you. So what were some of the other things you said that? You know, you got to do like, today? What are some of the things that you do to continue to stay take care of yourself?
Jared:Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, that's a really great question. I mean, therapy has helped a lot. Trying to just stay consistent with that, I think, just it's I think it's important to have people who are professionals who are like educated in the different disciplines of psychology, you know, which is obviously a huge subject and, you know, as we grow and learn more about the brain, which there's been so much research on that, you know, that growing and understanding and, you know, cognitive behavioral therapy, you know, obviously, trauma, you know, all the different kind of things. So, therapy is something I try to stay consistent in doing just continuing to like talk about, you know, life. I think probably people and like, community already kind of like touched on that a little bit, but just I have lots of really, really good friends in my life like, close to the people I work with and church, my roommates, like just I'm kind of constantly surrounded by like supportive people. And obviously, still, my mom and my sister. Those are very strong positive voices still. But the people that I live with the people that are around, I'm very extroverted, I love being around people kind of just all the time, right now a little bit, it's a little bit different, because it's like, oh, I go out, and then I just come by, go out, and I do church stuff. And I do celebrate recovery. That's something that's helped me too, which is pretty much like a, and then also kind of the Bible kind of right. Mix together into one program.
Jen:Yeah, it's a little bit of like a religious version of the kind of like, the 12 steps. Exactly. Yeah, I've heard a lot of really great things about so
Jared:yeah, it's really great. I mean, it does help because I think you have, I mean, you know, you have religious influence. And then, obviously, there's so much good stuff with a just by itself. Like, if you took away the Bible stuff, it still would be like a super great program. But I think it just kind of helps you as someone who has that, like, Bible background, kind of, like, urge the two things. Yeah, they're in a really balanced kind of healthy way. Yeah, and then just practical things. I mean, I ran a marathon a couple years ago, I used to go play hockey once a week, or once every other week or whatever, before COVID. Me and my would go skate around, which, if I could play hockey every day, we're happier than I am right now. You know, because hockey is just, like throwing this thing on the hall to me, you know, so I'm so blessed that I still after all these years, I have my equipment, and I can go and skate. But that's been not as much of a thing because of COVID. Right? Go out and, you know, running, you know, sports, it's so like, close and intimate with people like, on a hard to kind of stay safe.
Jen:Yeah, I know.
Jared:But yeah, exercise is a big thing I tried to get out and run try to just be outside recently have been like playing tennis, which I used to play tennis a lot. I'm definitely not as athletic as they used to be. As a kid. I used to just be playing sports like crazy, which, you know, was definitely a good thing. Obviously, getting out and exercising is helps. And then yeah, I mean, church involvement. I mean, just, you know, going to Bible studies, obviously, that's important. And then, I mean, honestly, working on my podcast, that's like, that's something that helps getting to do Nami speak with the National Alliance on Mental Illness. I worked I made like a video a couple years ago, where I kind of told my whole mental health story and like a 20 minute, like, interview video. So doing stuff like that. I'm working on writing a book right now. So I just started doing that. So probably can take me a little bit of time to I don't know if you have a book,
Jen:but I do. I do. I'm actually working on my second book. Yeah.
Jared:Okay. All right. Want to check out what you've already read? Yeah. I hope that answers your question, is it?
Jen:No, it does, it does. And a lot of like, what we talk about because you hit a lot on the major points, which is community, you know, it's like, it's a whole lot less about, I mean, I think the program, a program, whatever it is, that you want to call it, is really important, but it's also very personal. So not everyone is gonna, you know, enjoy the same things as it relates to having some sort of program in their lives to help them with through their mental health stuff. But I think just the idea of having a community around something that progresses you in the self improvement world well, however, that looks like it. That's the important thing, what you call it, how it's framed or whatever, is irrelevant. And it's so much more about and I love that more and more things are coming to help more people find things that resonate with them. So not everyone wants to do a 12 step program. That's just the way that it is, you know, but now there Like other things, so you know, there's like Dharma recovery there Celebrate Recovery, there's, you know, all these different things. And you, you pointed out that that's something that's been very beneficial for you. And I think it's very beneficial just to have people around that can support you and your journey. And, and, and let me ask you this, and this will be kind of the, you know, the final question is you had mentioned, because this is the unbreakable boundaries podcast. And you had mentioned at some point, you know, you were living with your mom, and she seemed to really struggle and feel powerless and all that. And there were a lot of challenges was, what were was there any particular boundary or boundaries that she kind of had, that y'all kind of had to work through? To better support each other and her for herself and you for for yourself in all that?
Jared:Yeah, that's a great question. Absolutely. I've mean, part of what made it difficult was, you know, my mom kind of was in like this caretaker role of taking care of me, and really needing to be the one that, you know, kind of had strength for both of us, right kind of, kind of thing. And obviously, that's the dynamic, that's real, it's like when people are struggling, you're there for them. My mom naturally is just the most compassionate, loving, nurturing person, I think, like most moms are like that, right? So you do anything for your kids. But what made it hard was, I definitely relied on her a lot to really pull me through and kind of problem solve for me, gives me comfort, kind of give me all the answers. And my mom will, you know, wasn't able to do all of that, like, she couldn't be my Savior, and like, pull me out of the suffering. And she couldn't put new thoughts in my head when I want. And that's what I needed. Or she couldn't, obviously, she could tell me like, you know, don't add your life. We need you around, right, which she said that a lot. But just that dynamic existed of just, yeah, my mom wasn't really able to pull me out of it. So there needed to kind of be this. This boundary of like, Look, you kind of got to, like, deal with this. On your own. Even I'm still kind of here supporting you. And I think that that's just that's a very real dynamic that lots of people. Yeah, you do, and that some people don't have any support at all. And that's probably kind of a different conversation of like, no, it's it is important to have people who are really involved, but those people can only, you know, do so much for you kind of in the midst of your like, your pain,
Jen:yeah, it's kind of like, she couldn't, she couldn't change the internal stuff that was going on with you, she could be there to support you and take you to the doctors and do all that. But the real work that needed to happen she couldn't do for you. That's what I'm hearing.
Jared:Exactly. Yeah. And that's, that's just true for all of us as humans of like, we just, you know, yeah, we're, we're the only ones inside of our own heads, and we kind of got a right to like, you know, work through that stuff. But, but you do need people alongside of you along the way. Yeah, of course, you mean that today?
Jen:Well, then it's like striking that balance, like you said, of the problem solving, like you were relying on her so much to solve problems that she could not solve. You know, it's, it's, it's that kind of thing, where it's like, you're striking that balance with the people that you're around of going, you know, I need support. But you also can't solve all my problems. You know, but of course, if someone is there to solve your problems for you, you want to try, like, that's what you want, right? It's like, I don't want to figure this out on my own. So it's really easy for both parties to slip into that pattern of going, I need you to solve my problems, and I'm going to solve all your problems for you.
Jared:Yeah, well, yeah, that is ultimately unhealthy. Is it just the codependency there of like, yeah, other people doing things for you and but it's hard when I think you see people suffering it is this natural instinct. It's kind of like in a like the rule of like, no crosstalk. It's like, people just come and they Just let them share, let them say their thing. And you're you hear things and you're like, oh, I should tell this person what to do now. Right? It's like, no, don't do that. Like don't Yeah, insert yourself man. And, and obviously that the day now because my mom was like, No, I wanted her to insert herself and Yeah. Even that's like no, you know, you need to kind of go your own way and learn how to kind of, you know, cope on your own
Jen:with this stuff. Yeah, and it really is. So obviously in the community that I'm in, I'm dealing with people in recovery, that are used to that sort of pattern of wanting people to solve their problems for them. And I'm constantly just the one question that I asked myself that, that takes me I guess to a different place is in checking in with myself is, is this my problem to solve? That's like the one question for me to stay out of the dynamics of getting caught into that caretaker role, because I'm I am a very loving person that wants to help is why I got into the whole business like I created an entire business, podcast, everything to help people.
Jared:Of course, yeah.
Jen:Exactly. Like we want to help people. And yet, we also have to remember to strike our that own balance, even with ourselves of not going in to solve other people's problems, because it's so easy. It's like, I want to help you. And so that's, that's one of the biggest questions that I'm constantly asking myself, Is this my problem to solve? And, and the most time it's not, it doesn't mean that I'm not there to be supportive. I answered the phone, we talked through problem solving, you know, all of that. And so I'm there for them. I'm just not solving their problem. Like, we'll bounce ideas back and forth. But but that's about it. Well, Jared, I want to thank you so much for coming on and sharing your journey with us. I'm gonna put a link to your podcasts so other people can hear you on my show notes, so people can find you. And, and find all that. So thanks. Thanks again. And thank you for listening to this podcast. If you want to listen to more or find more information out about this podcast, and more of what I do to help families you can go check out my page at unbreakable boundaries podcast.com. It's full of other great episodes just like this one and other great resources to look through. And please remember to share this podcast with others you never know who may need to hear this. People are often hiding their battles in this arena. And sharing is a great way to provide this valuable resource to people you may not even know who needs it. And don't forget, there is always hope, even when things seem most hopeless. Thanks again, for listening to the unbreakable boundaries podcast, I wanted to share a little bit about the new program that was actually born from my early recovery series that I did as a part of this podcast. So as you can hear in many of the episodes that I dive into people with that early recovery is really messy. It's confusing, people have a hard time navigating themselves through the various situations that they face, such as the different triggers that they're they face the overwhelming emotions, how to navigate through some of those complicated family dynamics and how to find the right support system for themselves, and so many more things. So I did create the early recovery program that helps people who are entering into recovery, know how to navigate themselves through those very, very confusing and overwhelming first months. It also helps the families who want to support them in knowing what to do. So even if you are listening to this as the family member and your loved one isn't quite into recovery, yet, they may be soon and you can be better prepared on how to deal with them as they enter into that early recovery process. Because a lot of times the red flags that we think or red flags are actually a really, really normal part of the early recovery process. And we can unintentionally put too many unrealistic expectations on them. So this is a great thing for families to go through as well. And you can learn more about this program by going to the early recovery program calm. I really, really hope that everyone checks that out is a great resource. I made it so that it could be very inexpensive and it's just it's it's a lot of My own journey and what people experience so I hope you go check that out the early recovery program calm